With all the socio-political implications this might have in this day and age, here's a song from my dad's time... a long, long time ago:
Tiene casi veinte años y ya está cansado de soñar,
pero tras la frontera está su hogar, su mundo, su ciudad.
Piensa que la alambrada sólo es un trozo de metal,
algo que nunca puede detener sus ansias de volar.
Libre, como el sol cuando amanece, yo soy libre como el mar...
Libre, como el ave que escapó de su prisión y puede, al fin, volar...
Libre, como el viento que recoge mi lamento y mi pesar,
camino sin cesar detrás de la verdad y sabré lo que es,
al fin, la libertad.
Con su amor por bandera se marchó cantando una canción,
marchaba tan feliz que no escuchó la voz que le llamó,
y tendido en el suelo se quedó sonriendo y sin hablar,
sobre su pecho flores carmesí, brotaban sin cesar...
Libre, como el sol cuando amanece, yo soy libre como el mar...
Libre, como el ave que escapó de su prisión y puede, al fin, volar...
Libre, como el viento que recoge mi lamento y mi pesar,
camino sin cesar detrás de la verdad y sabré lo que es,
al fin, la libertad.
Libre, como el sol cuando amanece, yo soy libre como el mar...
Libre, como el ave que escapó de su prisión y puede, al fin, volar...
Libre, como el viento que recoge mi lamento y mi pesar,
camino sin cesar detrás de la verdad y sabré lo que es,
al fin, la libertad.
Nino Bravo
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Unchained, a melody
so we got our hot dogs on the way in and walked around the lumber section, chatting randomly about the stuff on the shelves, the poor lighting in the store, the hot (or not-so-hot) employees, and all that we had missed in a few months of chatting--having been so busy we hadn't had a chance to catch up; I took it like a much-needed confession, sans the "bless me father" and the guilt.
i talked about carlos, who's name isn't carlos, my jewish boyfriend who got me eating kosher, and who is now my dearest friend, but not my boyfriend, and whose company i dearly miss even in these hot and humid summer nights. i told the story of how i broke his television accidentally and how we fixed his couch and how i still have a toothbrush by his sink--one i never get to use. i talked about ricardo, who's now moved somewhere in the middle of the country, who called just a couple of months ago and confessed his undying love to me as he told me of his friend's indiscretions and showed me again why it is we're not together--all with just a word. i talked about andrew and his boyfriend, and the crazy drinks they make, and how they sit in front of a blank t.v. watching xm-on-directv, which is odd because they have no video and so you just sit there watching a blank t.v., and how much fun that can be because you get to talking and before you know it you're deep in conversation and i hope george bush's ears are ringing mightily because there are very few conservative gay men in silverlake, and none of them watch xm-on-directv--at least not with me.
i talked of jose, who promises to be another ricardo, full of love and friendship, with no papers, no car, a lowly job and little promise of staying in the country longer than this blog has lived, and how i cannot get myself to hold him accountable for all the pain others have caused, so here i go headlong into a love i know better than to feel, thinking i'm crazy for loving just the feeling of falling in love and being willing to suffer the pain of having to get over it afterwards bacause in the end how can you have mountains without valleys, canyons and all the other great geological irregularities that make a map that much more fun?
i talked of work, and how busy we are, and how i love working there not because the work is any easier, but rather because everybody is so much fun to work with, and how we're making so much money we're bound to have a great christmas season... and that, of course brought me to the possibility of getting a new car and how i test drove the 350z convertible and just how fast the darned thing is. but i think i am too old and too big for such a little car, so i'm looking at the c70, though it might look like someone's aunt's car. what the hell, i'll be the aunt. and the hell do they put in those hotdogs? they're so tasty! but wait! don't tell me, "everything else"... whatever parts of the cow have no name and some i'd rather not name. Thank goodness for hebrew national. They answer to a higher authority.
we walked up and down the aisles, looking at the stuff that we might buy but wouldn't, because after all we were there just for the hotdogs and boy those were so good! by the time we got to the paint i was terribly confused as to what i really wanted to do with my room and made a mental note to watch a few more episodes of trading spaces before spending any money, as i might just want to go with a jungle theme instead of the slightly-overly-stuffy architectural digest take on the lincoln bedroom, though i highly suspect that room sees more action on a regular basis than mine does--and why don't they serve beer at home-improvement stores? i mean, that's what most guys drink when working with power tools.
the lighting aisle is way too hot. i don't care how cute the guy is that works it--and boy does he work it--i won't stay there a moment longer than it takes to pick a decent ceiling fan, you know the kind, the cabana-style, bungalo-on-malibu, i-found-it-at-a-good-will-store, $300 kind. and then we found we'd mostly run out of aisles and stood in line for half an hour, just to find the hot dog guy had left before we made it back outside, and i had little else to talk about... and just when we got outside i got a call from my friend in san pedro, who just bought the boat and i got invited to a weekend party and a three-hour tour of the bay! what to wear? what to wear?
i hate these hot summer days... oh but those hot summer nights...
i talked about carlos, who's name isn't carlos, my jewish boyfriend who got me eating kosher, and who is now my dearest friend, but not my boyfriend, and whose company i dearly miss even in these hot and humid summer nights. i told the story of how i broke his television accidentally and how we fixed his couch and how i still have a toothbrush by his sink--one i never get to use. i talked about ricardo, who's now moved somewhere in the middle of the country, who called just a couple of months ago and confessed his undying love to me as he told me of his friend's indiscretions and showed me again why it is we're not together--all with just a word. i talked about andrew and his boyfriend, and the crazy drinks they make, and how they sit in front of a blank t.v. watching xm-on-directv, which is odd because they have no video and so you just sit there watching a blank t.v., and how much fun that can be because you get to talking and before you know it you're deep in conversation and i hope george bush's ears are ringing mightily because there are very few conservative gay men in silverlake, and none of them watch xm-on-directv--at least not with me.
i talked of jose, who promises to be another ricardo, full of love and friendship, with no papers, no car, a lowly job and little promise of staying in the country longer than this blog has lived, and how i cannot get myself to hold him accountable for all the pain others have caused, so here i go headlong into a love i know better than to feel, thinking i'm crazy for loving just the feeling of falling in love and being willing to suffer the pain of having to get over it afterwards bacause in the end how can you have mountains without valleys, canyons and all the other great geological irregularities that make a map that much more fun?
i talked of work, and how busy we are, and how i love working there not because the work is any easier, but rather because everybody is so much fun to work with, and how we're making so much money we're bound to have a great christmas season... and that, of course brought me to the possibility of getting a new car and how i test drove the 350z convertible and just how fast the darned thing is. but i think i am too old and too big for such a little car, so i'm looking at the c70, though it might look like someone's aunt's car. what the hell, i'll be the aunt. and the hell do they put in those hotdogs? they're so tasty! but wait! don't tell me, "everything else"... whatever parts of the cow have no name and some i'd rather not name. Thank goodness for hebrew national. They answer to a higher authority.
we walked up and down the aisles, looking at the stuff that we might buy but wouldn't, because after all we were there just for the hotdogs and boy those were so good! by the time we got to the paint i was terribly confused as to what i really wanted to do with my room and made a mental note to watch a few more episodes of trading spaces before spending any money, as i might just want to go with a jungle theme instead of the slightly-overly-stuffy architectural digest take on the lincoln bedroom, though i highly suspect that room sees more action on a regular basis than mine does--and why don't they serve beer at home-improvement stores? i mean, that's what most guys drink when working with power tools.
the lighting aisle is way too hot. i don't care how cute the guy is that works it--and boy does he work it--i won't stay there a moment longer than it takes to pick a decent ceiling fan, you know the kind, the cabana-style, bungalo-on-malibu, i-found-it-at-a-good-will-store, $300 kind. and then we found we'd mostly run out of aisles and stood in line for half an hour, just to find the hot dog guy had left before we made it back outside, and i had little else to talk about... and just when we got outside i got a call from my friend in san pedro, who just bought the boat and i got invited to a weekend party and a three-hour tour of the bay! what to wear? what to wear?
i hate these hot summer days... oh but those hot summer nights...
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Annabel Lee
It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
e. a. poe
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
e. a. poe
Friday, March 10, 2006
Brenda's Little Quiz
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Kayvon’s little gopher.
2. Selling shoes at a god-forsaken strip mall in Cudahy.
3. Late-night inventory taker for second-rate company.
4. And inventory/purchasing guy for (going on) 14 yrs now.
Four movies you would watch over and over again?
1. I would say Creator, but I’m always sad when it’s done.
2. I would say Running on Empty, but I always cry when it’s done.
3. I would say West Side Story, but I never feel pretty when it’s done.
4. Monsters, Inc. cuz I should be the big blue thing in it.
Four places you have lived:
1. I don’t know if these memories are from the same place, and I don’t know where they are, but one is a house somewhere in Nicaragua, with an old, twisted avocado tree in the back that bears my name in its bark about three feet off the ground, carved when I was just a child and my dad was still Superman; and a house with a shiny-barked tree in the front with the warm and festive smell of Pinolillo from the big green balls it made as fruit, all around it, that made summers sweet and rain worth dancing in.
2. A dark, damp, cold apartment in San Jose, California, hidden under the stairs, three blocks from life and yet devoid of any happiness—there were just not enough blankets in the place to keep me from shivering through the night.
3. A big, empty, warm, airy apartment in Fullerton, California, where R (not the same from below) and I spent four years hosting friends and playing with my children every other weekend. Andre went blond there when he was 3. We’d all go swimming, go to Woolworths—when they were still around; now it’s Target—and walk over to the movies or to Starbucks or both.
4. A house made of concrete blocks, with weird, twisty, white texture laid on them like dried-up earthworms fleeing from the scorching tropical sun; a place where roaches fly and one lonely, little scorpion instilled in me a phobia from which I still suffer; an ever-shifting house always under construction or deconstruction or change or redesign, where life was never boring but not for that all that happy and still, where in 1983 my parents lived like I am told happy marriages can live, full of tenderness and peace, sharing secrets with a glance and simply enjoying their children’s breaking voices and longer, ungainly limbs.
Living, you see, is rarely about the place.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. NUMB3RS (ain’t he dreamy?)
2. Battlestar Galactica (I’m rooting for the cylons)
3. Extreme Engineering (yes, I’m a geek)
4. CSI Miami (I bet you can’t guess which one I find dreamy)
Four places you have been on vacation: (the tales these places could tell!)
1. Tijuana
2. Las Vegas
3. San Francisco
4. Rosarito
Four websites I visit regularly: (you don’t HONESTLY expect me to be honest, do you?)
1. Google. It’s clean, it’s simple, it’s fast, and it’s simply just what I need when I go there. And now Froogle will find it for you FOR LESS!
2. Hotmail. Did he write me back YET?
3. Ebay. (I still want my 6MT G35, 2005 or newer, for US$22,000 or less—is that too much to ask for? Is that SO WRONG?)
4. some places I wouldn’t repeat in church and thus, on advise of my attorney, respectfully decline to mention in writing on the grounds that I might incriminate m’self. ;-)
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Arroz a la valenciana as long as Ash makes it woot woot
2. Chilaquiles, rojos (how messican o’ me)
3. Uncle Howie’s Pizza (it’s in Redlands, near the University Of)
4. Fried Ripe Plantains (I should write a book hotter, spicier, and more fun than Fried Green Tomatoes)
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. The Holy Land
2. Home, in bed, still sleeping. Waking up early SUX.
3. @ R’s, herein traditionally refered to as Carlos, in bed, cuddling. This is PERFECT cuddling weather.
4. Seattle, Washington, preferably with R, in bed, cuddling. Those damned people ALWAYS have good cuddling weather.
Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond...
1. Nobody, cuz I hate chain letters
2. Nobody, cuz I hate chain surveys.
3. Nobody, cuz I hate gettin’ to know me better.
4. Nobody, bah humbug! (gimme a break, it’s too early to be in a good mood and it’s 35 degrees IN LOS ANGELES!)
Miguel
1. Kayvon’s little gopher.
2. Selling shoes at a god-forsaken strip mall in Cudahy.
3. Late-night inventory taker for second-rate company.
4. And inventory/purchasing guy for (going on) 14 yrs now.
Four movies you would watch over and over again?
1. I would say Creator, but I’m always sad when it’s done.
2. I would say Running on Empty, but I always cry when it’s done.
3. I would say West Side Story, but I never feel pretty when it’s done.
4. Monsters, Inc. cuz I should be the big blue thing in it.
Four places you have lived:
1. I don’t know if these memories are from the same place, and I don’t know where they are, but one is a house somewhere in Nicaragua, with an old, twisted avocado tree in the back that bears my name in its bark about three feet off the ground, carved when I was just a child and my dad was still Superman; and a house with a shiny-barked tree in the front with the warm and festive smell of Pinolillo from the big green balls it made as fruit, all around it, that made summers sweet and rain worth dancing in.
2. A dark, damp, cold apartment in San Jose, California, hidden under the stairs, three blocks from life and yet devoid of any happiness—there were just not enough blankets in the place to keep me from shivering through the night.
3. A big, empty, warm, airy apartment in Fullerton, California, where R (not the same from below) and I spent four years hosting friends and playing with my children every other weekend. Andre went blond there when he was 3. We’d all go swimming, go to Woolworths—when they were still around; now it’s Target—and walk over to the movies or to Starbucks or both.
4. A house made of concrete blocks, with weird, twisty, white texture laid on them like dried-up earthworms fleeing from the scorching tropical sun; a place where roaches fly and one lonely, little scorpion instilled in me a phobia from which I still suffer; an ever-shifting house always under construction or deconstruction or change or redesign, where life was never boring but not for that all that happy and still, where in 1983 my parents lived like I am told happy marriages can live, full of tenderness and peace, sharing secrets with a glance and simply enjoying their children’s breaking voices and longer, ungainly limbs.
Living, you see, is rarely about the place.
Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. NUMB3RS (ain’t he dreamy?)
2. Battlestar Galactica (I’m rooting for the cylons)
3. Extreme Engineering (yes, I’m a geek)
4. CSI Miami (I bet you can’t guess which one I find dreamy)
Four places you have been on vacation: (the tales these places could tell!)
1. Tijuana
2. Las Vegas
3. San Francisco
4. Rosarito
Four websites I visit regularly: (you don’t HONESTLY expect me to be honest, do you?)
1. Google. It’s clean, it’s simple, it’s fast, and it’s simply just what I need when I go there. And now Froogle will find it for you FOR LESS!
2. Hotmail. Did he write me back YET?
3. Ebay. (I still want my 6MT G35, 2005 or newer, for US$22,000 or less—is that too much to ask for? Is that SO WRONG?)
4. some places I wouldn’t repeat in church and thus, on advise of my attorney, respectfully decline to mention in writing on the grounds that I might incriminate m’self. ;-)
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Arroz a la valenciana as long as Ash makes it woot woot
2. Chilaquiles, rojos (how messican o’ me)
3. Uncle Howie’s Pizza (it’s in Redlands, near the University Of)
4. Fried Ripe Plantains (I should write a book hotter, spicier, and more fun than Fried Green Tomatoes)
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. The Holy Land
2. Home, in bed, still sleeping. Waking up early SUX.
3. @ R’s, herein traditionally refered to as Carlos, in bed, cuddling. This is PERFECT cuddling weather.
4. Seattle, Washington, preferably with R, in bed, cuddling. Those damned people ALWAYS have good cuddling weather.
Four friends I am tagging that I think will respond...
1. Nobody, cuz I hate chain letters
2. Nobody, cuz I hate chain surveys.
3. Nobody, cuz I hate gettin’ to know me better.
4. Nobody, bah humbug! (gimme a break, it’s too early to be in a good mood and it’s 35 degrees IN LOS ANGELES!)
Miguel
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Suicide Is Painless
Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
Try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever present hate
But now I know that it's too late
And that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give a seat
For that's the only painless feat
'Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works it's way on in
The pain grow stronger watch it grin
For suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied "Oh why ask me."
Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please;
And you can do the same thing if you please.
Mike Altman & Johnny Mandell
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
Try to find a way to make
All our little joys relate
Without that ever present hate
But now I know that it's too late
And that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say
That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
And to another give a seat
For that's the only painless feat
'Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works it's way on in
The pain grow stronger watch it grin
For suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied "Oh why ask me."
Cause suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please;
And you can do the same thing if you please.
Mike Altman & Johnny Mandell
Monday, March 06, 2006
Richard III
No beast so fierce it knows no touch of pity,
but I am not beast, and therefore I know none.
is it any wonder i love how the guy writes?
but I am not beast, and therefore I know none.
is it any wonder i love how the guy writes?
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Happy Mardis Gras!!!
As if I wasn't fat enough...
food!
drink!
merriment...
and damn this busy month...
back later... ;-)
food!
drink!
merriment...
and damn this busy month...
back later... ;-)
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